Per My Last Email: A Field Guide to Passive-Aggressive Email Phrases

Four words, no swearing, not one of them rude on its own. And yet “per my last email” lands in an inbox like a door closed slightly too firmly. Everyone who works in an office knows what it means. A fair number of us have typed it, stared at it, and sent it anyway.

The feeling is measurable. When Adobe surveyed just over 1,000 US white-collar workers for its 2018 email survey, it asked which phrases annoyed them most in work email. “Not sure if you saw my last email” came top, cited by 25%, with “per my last email” second at 13% (MediaPost has the full breakdown). In 2023 the language-learning platform Preply surveyed 1,006 Americans, and “per my last email” was voted the single most passive-aggressive phrase. Some 83% said they receive passive-aggressive messages at work.

By then it had long escaped the office. Know Your Meme dates its meme career to 2019, when an early Reddit post showed a missile with “As per my last email” scratched into its side. You can buy it as a self-inking rubber stamp, and Andrews McMeel publishes a book of alternatives to stale office phrases named after it.

None of this makes the people who write these phrases villains. Almost every entry below exists because someone was trying to be polite while mildly annoyed, short on time, in a medium that is bad at tone. So this is a field guide rather than a hit list: what each phrase says, what it’s heard as, when it’s fair game, and something warmer to use instead.

Why polite phrases curdle over email

Linguists have a good account of why this happens. In Politeness: Some Universals in Language Usage (1987, the core of which first appeared in 1978), Penelope Brown and Stephen Levinson built on sociologist Erving Goffman’s idea of “face”: the public self-image everyone wants to protect. They split it in two. Positive face is wanting to be liked and approved of. Negative face is wanting to get on with things without being imposed upon.

A chaser email threatens both at once. Asking for something imposes on the reader’s time, and pointing out that they haven’t done it yet implies they’ve slipped. Brown and Levinson catalogued the ways people soften these “face-threatening acts”: hedges, apologies, minimisers like “just”, or going “off record” with a hint that says the critical thing without technically saying it. That last one is the engine of passive aggression. “Per my last email” never says “you didn’t read it”. It lets the reader work that out, and leaves the writer with deniability.

The trouble is that email is a poor carrier for the softening. In a 2005 set of experiments, Justin Kruger, Nicholas Epley and colleagues had students send each other statements that were either sarcastic or serious. Listeners who heard them by voice decoded nearly three-quarters correctly. Readers who got them by email did no better than chance. The senders were just as confident either way. A later study in the same paper found friends were no better at reading each other’s tone than strangers. The authors put it down to egocentrism: you hear your own email in your own voice, and forget that the reader can’t.

Kristin Byron, reviewing the research in the Academy of Management Review in 2008, argued that the errors skew one way. Recipients tend to read positive emails as more neutral, and neutral ones as more negative, than the writer intended. So the “just checking in!” you typed breezily arrives sounding like a raised eyebrow. Run a face-saving hedge through that filter and it comes out the other side as a dig.

The field guide

“Per my last email”

The reigning champion. Technically it’s a neutral citation, like a footnote: “per” just means “according to”.

Translation: “I have already answered this. Scroll down.”

Fair when: someone asks a question you’ve clearly answered in writing, and the answer carries weight (a price, a deadline, a decision) so it’s worth pointing at the record.

Try instead: repeat the information, not the accusation. “Quick recap so it’s all in one place: the launch is on the 14th and we’re going with the blue version. Full details from Tuesday are below.” The reader gets what they needed and nobody has to scroll.

“Not sure if you saw my last email”

Adobe’s most-hated phrase, named by a quarter of respondents. It poses as concern for the state of the reader’s inbox.

Translation: “I’m fairly sure you saw it.”

Fair when: it genuinely might have been missed. It went to a big list, landed during their holiday, or left your outbox at 6pm on a Friday.

Try instead: skip the speculation and resurface the ask. “Bumping this up as Thursday’s getting close. All I need is a yes or no on the venue.”

“Just checking in” and “just circling back”

The gentlest-sounding chasers, which is exactly the problem. “Just” is a classic minimiser, an attempt to make the imposition sound small. Preply’s respondents named unnecessary reminders as the most common style of passive aggression, and Adobe’s list included the chaser’s anxious cousin, “sorry for the double email” (10%).

Translation: “It has been four working days. I am counting.”

Fair when: it’s a real follow-up after a reasonable gap, and a deadline is getting closer or something has changed.

Try instead: say why you’re asking now. “Following up on the Q3 figures: I need them by Wednesday for the board pack. If that’s tight, tell me and I’ll ask for more time.”

“Friendly reminder” and “gentle reminder”

When a message has to announce its own friendliness, readers suspect the opposite. Preply’s write-up singles out “just a gentle reminder” as sounding kind while really meaning “hurry up”.

Translation: “Second and final warning, with a smile painted on.”

Fair when: it’s a routine broadcast to a group (timesheets, expenses, a room booking) that nobody could read as personal.

Try instead: drop the adjective and add something useful. “Reminder: timesheets are due at 5pm today. Here’s the link.”

“As previously stated” and “as I mentioned”

“As previously stated” annoyed 9% of Adobe’s respondents. It’s the written equivalent of tapping the whiteboard.

Translation: “You weren’t listening the first time.”

Fair when: you’re summarising a long thread for people who’ve just joined it, where pointing to earlier decisions is a service.

Try instead: “To recap for anyone just joining:” and then the recap. It addresses the thread, not a person.

“Please advise”

Also 9% in Adobe’s survey, and the phrase with the most innocent defence. In some industries it’s everyday boilerplate, and plenty of people who write it mean nothing more than “over to you”.

Translation: outside those worlds, “This is your problem now.”

Fair when: it’s the house style of your industry, or the next decision genuinely belongs to the reader.

Try instead: ask the actual question. “Should we go with option A or B? A is cheaper; B ships a week earlier.” A specific question is far easier to answer than an open invitation to advise.

“Per our conversation” and “as discussed”

“Per our conversation” annoyed 11% of Adobe’s respondents, which is a little unfair, because writing up a verbal agreement is good practice.

Translation: “This is now in writing, in case anyone remembers it differently.”

Fair when: often, honestly. A summary after a call prevents a great many arguments.

Try instead: make the summary collaborative. “Writing this up so we’ve both got it: you’ll send the draft by Monday, I’ll book the printer. Shout if I’ve missed anything.”

“Thanks in advance”

It made Preply’s list, because it thanks you for a favour you haven’t agreed to do. It’s also the one phrase here with data suggesting it works. Boomerang looked at more than 350,000 email threads from community mailing lists and found “thanks in advance” had the highest reply rate of any common sign-off: 65.7%, against a 47.5% average. That’s a correlation from mailing lists rather than an office experiment, so treat it as a hint rather than a law.

Translation: “I’ve already decided you’re doing this.”

Fair when: the ask is small and reasonable, like a question on a support list, where it reads as ordinary courtesy.

Try instead: for bigger requests, “Thanks for taking a look”, then a proper thank-you afterwards. In experiments by Adam Grant and Francesca Gino, a brief written thank-you made helpers more willing to help again, because it made them feel valued. Thanks after the fact is the kind that builds goodwill.

“Correct me if I’m wrong”

Another from Preply’s list. Genuine uncertainty sounds exactly like this, which is what makes it such good camouflage.

Translation: “I am not wrong.”

Fair when: you really aren’t sure and you’d welcome the correction.

Try instead: state your understanding and ask. “My understanding is that the contract renews in March. Is that right?” If you know you’re right, say so plainly and give the source.

“Going forward”

Two words that turn a process change into a verdict on the past.

Translation: “You did it wrong, and we both know it.”

Fair when: it’s a genuine change of process announced to everyone, not a correction aimed at one person in front of an audience.

Try instead: name the change and the reason. “From next month, let’s send invoices straight to accounts@. It saves a step.” If it really is a correction, have it one-to-one.

“Cc’ing my manager for visibility”

The procedural escalation. Preply found 47% of respondents had seen colleagues escalate minor issues by copying in managers. Research by David De Cremer, then at Cambridge Judge Business School, found that when a supervisor was always copied in, recipients felt significantly less trusted, and a further survey of 345 employees linked heavy cc’ing to a sense that the whole organisation was low on trust.

Translation: “Witnesses are now present.”

Fair when: the person you’ve copied genuinely needs to know, or has to make the decision.

Try instead: say why they’re there. “Adding Priya, who owns the budget and can sign this off.” If the only reason is leverage, try a direct conversation first. (Cc lines have other ways of going wrong, as our history of reply-all storms shows.)

“Noted.”

One word and a full stop. Byron’s point about neutral messages reading as negative applies here more than anywhere: nothing in “Noted.” stops the reader supplying the chilliest tone available.

Translation: depending on the reader, anything from “Understood” to “I have heard you and I will remember this.”

Fair when: your team uses it as a plain acknowledgement, or in a quick chat where brevity is normal.

Try instead: add the next step. “Got it, thanks. I’ll update the doc by Friday.”

“Happy to discuss”

Ambiguous by design. Sometimes it’s a genuine offer; sometimes it means “my position is final, but you’re welcome to try”.

Translation: either “Let’s talk” or “Let’s not”.

Fair when: you mean it.

Try instead: make the offer concrete. “If it’s easier to talk it through, I’m free at 2 or 4 tomorrow.” A time slot proves you meant it.

How to write a chaser that’s firm and kind

Most of the phrases above are chasers in disguise, so the real fix is getting comfortable chasing openly. A few habits that help:

• Assume the boring explanation. Most unanswered emails are buried, not ignored. Write the follow-up as if that’s what happened and you won’t need a phrase implying otherwise.
• Put the ask in the first line. Don’t make them reread the thread. If a decision is needed, say what it is and what the options are.
• Keep it short. In Boomerang’s analysis of 40 million emails, messages of 50 to 125 words, and those asking one to three questions, got the best reply rates.
• Give a reason and a date. “By Wednesday, because the printer needs it Thursday” is firm without being sharp.
• Offer an exit. “If you’re not the right person, who should I ask?” gives a busy person an easy way to reply.
• Read it back in a grumpy voice. In the fourth of Kruger and Epley’s studies, senders who read their messages aloud in the opposite tone to the one they intended stopped overestimating how clearly they’d come across. If your email still sounds fine read as a sigh, send it.
• Switch medium after two tries. Voice carries the tone that text drops. If two emails haven’t worked, a call or a quick word will usually beat a third.
• Chase in one sitting. If you already batch your email into a few sessions a day, make follow-ups part of the first one rather than something you fire off whenever a thread crosses your mind.

Put together, it looks like this:

Hi Sam, bumping this as the print deadline is Thursday. All I need is a yes or no on the cover proof (attached again). If someone else is handling it now, just point me their way. Thanks, Nick

Firm, and nothing to read between the lines.

It also helps to know what you’re chasing: a Waiting column, the most useful idea in kanban for email, puts everything you’re owed in one place, and in Kanmail that column is just a folder or label on your board, so you follow up on the evidence rather than a hunch at 11pm.

The bottom line

Passive-aggressive email is mostly politeness that didn’t survive the journey. The writer hedged to protect everyone’s face, the medium stripped out the tone, and the reader filled the gap with the worst version. Say the thing plainly and kindly, once, with the information attached, and most of these phrases stop being necessary.

Consider this your friendly reminder.